This is an overall dump of my thoughts during my first time viewing of The Boys's fifth season's fifth episode, Of Myths and Monsters.
Terror's in the fucking recap!? Fuck me, they're definitely killing off the dog.
Whose voice is that? Not Ron Swanson, right?
Not the Trump Bible reference lmfao. Also Jensen's face lolololol
Is this a fucking Firecracker episode??? Is this bitch about to turn?
But I don't love this "think of the good Christians" shit.
Nope, no thanks, I didn't need this angle of Jensen fucking.
"Some of our followers donated" their milk to "our savior." It's giving culty cult cult cult.
Also there's no sympathy for what she's doing. I don't care that she's doing it because she's scared. I don't care that she feels bad.
Oh, we're doing a final ALL THE VILLAINS vignettes episodes lmfao. Weird choice for the last few BUT I'm not mad about it.
"He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch." I mean, you're not wrong about the Deep, so...
Honestly tho love this for you, Noir.
This is so cheesy and absurd, I'm dying. Like what. 🤣
Noir, just kill him. Be so fucking for real.
I'm sorry, Terror is doing what now. Antony Starr, why have they made you do this. ðŸ˜
Also: the fucking Reddit sub is going to be losing their shit over "wasting time" and "worst season ever" and "Kripke sucks bro." Get outta my face. Ya'll want short seasons? Fine! But we're still gonna have motherfucking fun.
Frenchie, don't leave the damn dog alone with the chocolate! Oh, my god is that going to be how Terror fucking dies? Frenchie kills him by accident? Also chocolate's not actually that dangerous to dogs, honestly. Unless Terror is way lighter than he looks, he'd be fine.
I'm begging you to stop making Antony do that. ALSO please don't be setting up Terror getting killed trying to hump Homelander, lmfao. I'm literally begging here.
Oh, goodie. Sage's segment should actually be at least mildly interesting. Sage and Ashley team-up is crazy.
There it is! Sage is an extreme introvert accelerationist. But honestly if she invited me in on this plan, I miiiiight go along. We just live in a bunker through the Apocalypse and then hang out and read forever? Yeah, I'm not not on board with that.
But a friggin' Jensen segment? Ugh. Do I want this? I don't think I do.
Humiliating Stan by making him wear a Homelander sweatsuit is really fucking funny.
JARED. And like his first (second?) line is to make a Jared/Jensen double entendre. But also: has he had work done? Or is he just drinking too much still? His face has that puffy 'my work hasn't healed yet' OR 'I'm drinking way too much into my 40s' look. Also also: he's the guy who A-Train replaced?
"Sony Pictures TV." "It's a legit studio!" LOLOLOLOLOL
KUMAIL WHY ARE YOU HERE. MISHA I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE BUT I'M ALSO STILL HAPPY TO SEE YOU. ALSO THAT GUY WHOSE NAME I FORGOT UNTIL HE SAID IT HIMSELF, WILL FORTE. SORRY I FORGOT YOUR NAME, ALSO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. Also, Misha looks BETTER after a few years off TV. Jared 100% is drinking too much.
Did they give JARED the fucking Diddy baby oil reference.
Make out! Make out! Make out! Make out! (Applying to either Jared/Jensen OR Misha/Antony, pls & thanks.)
Anyway I feel like these guys showed up because they were all really interested in getting killed on screen.
OH MY GOD, JENSEN IF YOU FUCK UP THESE SUPES FINALLY TEAMING UP AND TRYING TO KILL HOMELANDER I WILL PERSONALLY STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH.
Also: that abortion joke (Jared's "Exactly, it would [suck] for all of us.") got the biggest laugh out of me that anything's gotten in a while lmfao.
Jensen just implied that he 100% believes people deserve to die for being asexual ðŸ˜
Jared, STOP EXPLODING PEOPLE. No WONDER they replaced you with A-Train.
Jared, stop being funny while you're murdering people, I'm calling the police.
Yuck. Fuck you, Soldier Boy. Nasty. What on earth are you even doing? NOW you wanna play nice with Captain Crazy? And now you're gonna get Firecracker killed, I'm so fucking sure of it.
Oh, Firecracker, honey, you're a very dumb bitch sometimes but THIS is the dumbest shit you've ever pulled. You're saying everything he doesn't want to hear thinking that somehow it'll make you special. It is just gonna take him from "wanting to fire you" to "wanting to murder you." Girl, you're saying everything wrong. Fuck.
"I was just trying to get a head start this time," the last survivor of a complete massacre says while DIGGING GRAVES FOR EVERYONE.